Let’s face it, we’re screwed. We’re deep inside a digital age that has reduced our attention spans to the equivalent of a high-functioning goldfish. From the moment we slide our slabs of meat out of bed in the morning, to the moment we cannonball back in that evening, we are bombarded with a staggering amount of glitzy pixels delivering quick serotonin facials in exchange for a thumbs up or a swipe right.
Instant gratification is the name of the game. To play, all you gotta do is stay connected. Always.
Disconnect and you’re twitchier than a meth-head in a straight-jacket.
This is a problem.
Of course this isn’t news. We all know it’s a problem. The bigger problem is that we don’t know what to do about it. Well, actually, no. That’s not the bigger problem. The bigger problem is the fact that we do know what to do, we just refuse to do it.
The constant fear of missing out has led to what would be considered a humorous twist ending if not for the fact that we’re in a Hitchcock movie.See, our bid for constant shallow connection is slowly driving us all bat-shit crazy. We’re rapidly losing our sense of purpose, or self. Life itself is a slog. A never ending cavalcade of uninspired moment after uninspired moment.
We’re a slave to the grind, and though the answer is so simple, it is anything but easy. We’re in a funhouse of mirrors, and like a bunch of dolts, we identify more with the reflections than we do ourselves.
Sad truth is most of us will never take the steps needed to break out.
Then again, some will. These 4 ways to take control of your life is for those people. For those who’re tired of shallow connections. For those tired of living one day to the next. For those not content just being content.
Want to see a change? Make a change. Then stick with it.
Don’t know where to begin? Well, my good friend, read on.
1) Get Off the Social Media
I know, this is practically blasphemy. I see you eying me like a heretic. But listen, you spend way to much time on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. You know it, I know it, Zuckerburg and Zoidberg know it. It’s not your fault. Truly it’s not. That shit is designed to be addictive. Smarter people than you and I have spent a mind-boggling number of resources designed to keep you tethered to the screen.
It’s addictive; It’s designed to be.
Here’s the science:
Everytime you hear a ding signifying somebody has engaged with you in some way on social media, your brain goes, “Yahtzee! I’m valid,” and then it squirts out a little dopamine (ya know, that little neurotransmitter associated with reward and the sensation of wanting). Now, dopamine feels good, it temporarily sates, giving us warm and fuzzy feelings. Problem is the effects don’t last long, because this is a shallow reward well, my friend. We didn’t dig it deep enough.
So we’re off searching for our next hit, which thankfully, because Zuckerberg is a gracious god, comes quickly enough when we get another thumbs up.
Eventually, as all junkies eventually discover, our tolerance increases. The effectiveness of our drug decreases and now we’re getting desperate and shooting that shit into our eyeballs and mixing it with horse tranquilizers in hopes that we’ll rediscover that initial rush. We dive deeper into the Facebook and Twitter and Instagram because each little hit is less effective than the last, so we make up for lack of quality with brute force quantity.
You know you’ve sunk to this level because you’re liking and posting some truly inane garbage.
But guess what else has happened?
We’ve been so busy tossing our souls down the wishing well of social media that we’ve failed to notice how generally unhappy it’s made us.
And again, science to the rescue: you’re ruining your brain’s ability to process dopamine. Rewards across all aspects of life are becoming less…rewarding.
Satisfaction drops at an alarming rate because our dopamine pumps are shriveled masses and our brains are insatiable Latino lovers that just always want mas, mas, mas.
It’s untenable.
So what’s the solution? Simple.
Get off the social media. Not just for a day. Not just for a week. Forever. Kick it to the curb, you don’t need it.
I hear the chorus of arguments already. They all get on one of two soapboxes:
1) I use it to keep connected with friends and family that I rarely see.
2) I’ll miss out on important opportunities.
First, no, you don’t. You might use Facebook to look at pictures and what-not posted by friends and family, but you are not connecting. That requires something a bit deeper and more meaningful than a thumbs up emoji. These interactions are shallow at best, and downright wasteful at worst.
Second, what opportunities are you really missing out on? Do you really need to spend 8 hours a day glued to the screen on the off chance a once in a lifetime opportunity will scamper across your feed? It certainly seems like your time could be better spent by…I dunno…actually going out and doing stuff. To put it more succinctly, Your fear of missing out is causing you to miss out.
*dismounts soapbox*
Okay, I get it. Cutting social media is incredibly difficult, and perhaps not even feasible for most of us. So what would I say? Minimize how much you use it. Set specific times of the day where you allow yourself to access Facebook. Outside of that, stay away. Take it off your phone and block it on your computer. Do not give into the urge to check every 5 minutes just ’cause you’re bored.
2) Understand Your Finances
Whoa, this might seem like a strange one following on the heels of the last. But Anthony, I hear you saying, what does this have to do with lack of attention and lack of purpose, or whatever it is we’re actually talking about here.
It has everything to do with everything, my rightfully confused friend. Money makes the world go round, I’m afraid. And you can either afford a ticket on the ride, or you can’t.
Most people have horrible financial sense. They don’t know how to save money, and if they do, they don’t know what they should be doing with said-saved money. That’s not your fault. I blame the system. School and society have done a bad job prepping everybody on the basic tenants of fiscal responsibility. As a result, a great majority of Americans are living above their means, barely scraping by from one paycheck to the next.
I was one of them.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Trust me. Money is not all that terribly difficult. A little effort coupled with a little discipline and you too can figure it out. I promise.
Where to start? Well, this is a topic for a more in-depth blog post but here are the quick and dirty highlights of what you should be doing with your money (in order of importance):
1) Pay yourself first! (Save 10–20% of income automatically)
2) Pay down your high interest debt (credit cards and what-not)
3) Invest in your retirement (401k, Roth IRA, etc.)
4) Invest in low cost index funds with whatever is left over.
This is all for naught, however, if you don’t have a budget. So go make a budget.
I’ll scribble out some more comprehensive blog posts in the near future, but if you’re interested in taking control of your finances (which you absolutely should be) I would highly recommend checking out Ramit Sethi’sI Will Teach You to Be Rich.
Yes, it’s a douchee title. Yes, it’s still worth reading.
3) Purposely Pursue Activities with Purpose
Game of Thrones is amazing. I highly recommend it. However, I do not recommend watching Game of Thrones, then House of Cards, then Sherlock. This ties into our first point: Do not waste your time on meaningless activities.
Sure, it’s nice to be entertained. After a long day at work it can feel great to just plop down on the couch and veg out. But be honest, this isn’t a once a week occurrence. This is nightly, my friend.
You are what you repeatedly do, and if you’re slowly trading your life in exchange for shallow entertainment, then don’t be surprised to find you’re constantly filled with this sense of squandered potential.
Because guess what: You’re squandering your potential.
Do not exchange life fulfillment for entertainment. It is a bad trade, and it’s killing your soul. Trust me.
So what can you do?
Dedicate yourself to activities with purpose. Learn a new skill, read a book, play an instrument, master the tengo…really it doesn’t matter what the activity is as long as it engages you, challenges you, and encourages growth.
The human brain is an interesting ball of gushy ick. Studies show that we as individuals reach our highest degrees of contentment and satisfaction when we are fully engaged in an activity stretching our skills to their capacity. It is in this focused struggle that we thrive.
Do yourself a favor and seek it out. Find something that stretches you. Do it now. Then do it tomorrow. Then do it every. single. day.
Turn off the Netflix.
4) Define Your Plan
Where do you want to be in five years? Hell, where do you want to be next year?
If you don’t have an answer for those questions just sitting on the tip of your tongue, then you need to go to your quiet place and do some thinking. Seriously. It boggles my mind how many people are going through life without a plan. Shit, it doesn’t need to be comprehensive like a page of MapQuest directions (does MapQuest even still exist? Bonus points if you get down to the comments and answer). Even a vague life plan is better than nothing
Because without a plan, you’re gonna be pulled in a lot of conflicting directions. It’ll suck and make you feel flighty and overwhelmed. A victim of destiny’s whim.
Life Tip: Don’t be destiny’s victim (no, not the stripper. But, actually yes, also her).
Real quick, imagine yourself ten years ago. Put yourself into younger-you’s sneakers and ask:
Where do I see myself in ten years?
Now flashback to the present and answer this:
Are you where you thought you’d be?
Chances are you’ve fallen short of some goals you had. Things change. That’s to be expected. But it’s strange how much more often things randomly change when you don’t have a clearly articulated plan.
With a plan in hand, suddenly you’re not just going through the motions. Now you’re waking up everyday with purpose. You have goals…a destination towards which you can work. It’s amazing how much more likely you are to arrive at your destination when you first define where it is you’re actually going, and then second, create a plan for getting there.
Crazy, I know. But the same principle applies to your life.
