In the world of body language, there is an often quoted study conducted by Professor Mehrabian which found that only 7 percent of what we communicate is verbal, whereas the remaining 93 percent is non-verbal.
Of that non-verbal portion, body language comprised 55 percent, while tone-of-voice made up the remaining 38.
If true, that’s a pretty bonkers result.
That’s effectively saying that the actual words coming out of your mouth make up less than 10% of the meaning being conveyed.
Unfortunately, this study has been debunked and the importance of your words do matter (surprise, surprise), but that’s not to say that your body language and vocal tonality aren’t important.
They just aren’t quite as important as Mehrabian would have you believe.
With that said, much of how we communicate is in fact non-verbal. Which is problematic for many of us who never stop to consciously analyze what we’re doing with our body and why.
Whether it’s in the boardroom, the coffee shop on a date, or at home with a significant other, one thing remains clear: Presentation matters.
So with that in mind, let’s dive into Part One of the Body Language Masterclass and learn some simple techniques to help you communicate more effectively.
Vocal Tonality
There are three types of vocal tonality: Rapport Seeking, Neutral, and Rapport Breaking. Each tonality is distinct, as are the scenarios where-by you’d pull them out of your arsenal.
Rapport Seeking is characterized by an upward inflection at the end of each sentence. It’s almost as though every sentence is being framed as a question.
We default to this tonality when we are in social situations where we feel subordinate. As it’s name would suggest, we soften our tone and inflect upwards in an attempt to build rapport.
Unfortunately, this passive tonality has the opposite effect. It comes off as brown-nosing, lacking in confidence, and utterly irritating.
If you want to earn the respect of the person across from you, it will almost certainly never be achieved through the use of Rapport Seeking tonality.
Neutral tonality is your home base. This is the smooth, confident tone you adopt when you are in a familiar environment with friends. You’re comfortable, and therefore not trying to hard to get people to like or listen to you.
You aren’t being overly agreeable, though you also aren’t disagreeable.
You just…are.
When you’re running in Neutral tonality your voice will not inflect drastically, lest you are asking an actual question, but even then you’re tone should send the message that it doesn’t really matter.
Channel your inner-Fonzie when you really want to nail Neutral tonality.
Rapport Breaking is the opposite extreme from Rapport Seeking. Instead of our tones inflecting up in an attempt to soften our tones, we do the reverse and end our sentences with a downward inflection.
This tonality sends the unbridled message of power and control and you should definitely use it sparingly.
This is the tonality of a Drill Seargent or a Big Wig CEO who views everybody as beneath them.
If you want to put somebody in their place, or genuinely feel like being a jerk, then this is the tone for you.
If you want to be respected, well, you should probably only bust it out on rare occasions.
Cadence
People who move slowly are viewed as being more thoughtful and in more control.
When we project control, we elicit respect.
Thus, do not fidget. Do not continually reposition yourself as though you’re trying to get comfortable. Find a position, make it work, then stick with it.
This pertains to both your body movements, but also the speed at which you deliver your words.
As a general rule, when you’re presenting, or speaking in public, or, you know, talking to another person in any way, shape, or form, it goes a long ways towards eliciting respect if you just slow it down.
Babble a thousand words a minute at my face and chances are I’m feeling a little attacked.
Attacking me with your words is no way to earn my respect.
Slow it down. Be confident in your ability to hold my attention with your words, rather than trying to spasm them all at me in one big blob.
Posture
Whether you’re sitting or standing, you should try and adopt a posture of confident tension. That is, you’re not slouching, but you also aren’t standing ramrod straight.
As the Buddhists would say:
Take the middle way.
Avoid the extremes.
Accomplish this by leaning slightly back as though you are inviting the other person into your space. Send the subconscious message that you are comfortable with them and your surroundings and that you don’t mind sharing.
Conversely, avoid leaning into the other person’s bubble too much. This can send the opposite message you intend, ie: overbearing and needy.
Now, that’s not to say you should never lean forward, but it’s all about dynamics and context.
There are few things in the world more annoying than the people who pretend like everything you say is absolutely the most interesting thing ever.
It’s not. I know it’s not. And the fact that you aren’t behaving as such isn’t doing you any favors.
Instead, vary your engagement.
Lean back and nod thoughtfully at times when that’s what the conversation calls for.
At other times, when a topic or point of particular interest is broached, lean forward and show your intrigue.
This ebb and flow of attention is incredibly powerful. Use it to show you are actually engaged.
Repeat Their Name
There is no sound in all the world more sweet to a person’s ears than that of their own name.
Okay, this isn’t really a body language thing, per se, but it’s still incredibly powerful, so we’re throwing it in for good communicative measure.
People take it for granted that you will all but forget their name within the first 5 minutes. Exceed their expectations by breaking the norm.
Remember their name and recite it back to them at various points throughout the conversation.
The first opportunity for this is immediately upon introducing yourself.
Them: “Hey, I’m Dave.”
You: “It’s great to meet you, Dave. I’m Anthony…”
From this point on, if you’re like most people, you’ll have to work hard to keep their name in your skull. To do this successfully, you must do it with intentionality and focus. It gets easier over time, but this is one of those skills that is well worth the time and energy you put into mastering.
As an additional benefit, this naming repetition makes it all the more easy to recall that person’s name should you cross paths a couple months later.
And THAT, my friend, is one powerful way to leave a mark on somebody.
First Impressions Matter
You only get one chance to make a good first impression. And, however unfair it may seem, that impression will usually be formed before you ever open your mouth.
Bummer.
So with this in mind, do yourself a favor and enter every room with yourchin up, shoulders back, and a genuine smile on your face. Project the image of a confident, poised, and happy person.
People like confident, poised, happy people. So be one.
This isn’t always easy, I know, but there are some things you can do to stack the odds in your favor.
First, put the phone away.
That’s right, never enter a room slouched over staring at your phone. This is the absolute wrong message you want to send if you’re looking to make a strong first impression.
Second, people respond to smiling faces.
Even if you aren’t feeling terribly confident, poised, or happy, flash a smile at the first person you see. They will reciprocate. I guarantee it. (Unless they are an evil person, in which case smile at the person next to them. If they also don’t reciprocate, then you need to get out of that room. It’s full of crazy people!)
We are hardwired to return smiles.
This first smile is important because upon seeing it, your brain will now attempt to return it. Except, you were the one that initiated the smile, so what’ll happen is a weird cyclical loop of smiling whereby you are now genuinely smiling.
Weird, huh?
If this doesn’t work for you, then I dunno, keep a picture of a kitten in your wallet or something.
Whatever it takes, remember to enter every room with your chin up, shoulders back, and smile on.
To practice this at home, place some sticky notes on doorframes with the reminder “Chin Up, Shoulders Back, Smile On”. Now, whenever you’re walking around the house you’ll have an opportunity to build the habit of straightening up and smiling whenever you approach a door.
Conclusion
Body language might not comprise over 90% of what’s being communicated like Mehrabian initially claimed, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still immensely important.
Understanding how and why we communicate the way we do is fundamental in getting the most possible out of our relationships, meetings, and conversations.
Employ the tactics and strategies above consciously and with intention to take your interactions to the next level, and, in the process, start earning new found levels of respect.
Congratulations, you’ve completed Part One of the Body Language Masterclass. If you’re ready to dive into Part Two, click that link below!
