Selective Vulnerability
The Amplified Impact Podcast
January 3rd, 2023
Vulnerability is one of the key factors of effective communication.
Often, when we try to show ourselves in the best light, and highlight all of our achievements… we miss making true connections.
After setting a goal of becoming a better public speaker, I decided to attend a two-and-a-half-day workshop led by Renee Rodriquez, where I was taught, in the most humbling way, the concept of selective vulnerability.
Through this workshop, I learned the importance of being vulnerable and how this has improved my ability to communicate more effectively and persuasively.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to improve their communication skills and deepen their understanding of the role vulnerability can play in personal growth.
TWEETABLE QUOTE:
“At the end of the day, we all want to connect. We want to be understood. And we do that through our ability to communicate, whether that’s through the spoken word, the written word, or body language, all of it.” – Anthony Vicino
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Episode Transcript:
Selective Vulnerability
Anthony: [00:00:00] Hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Amplified Impact. This is the podcast where we hyper focus on what matters so we can maximize our return on life. I’m Anthony Vicino. For those of you that don’t know me, I am a bestselling author, written over a dozen books science fiction and Business.
Anthony: That’s kind of a weird combination. I’m a serial entrepreneur, built multiple seven and eight figure companies, and I’m a real estate investor with over 40 million of assets under management. But most importantly, I’m just a guy who has severe ADHD and I’ve been spending my entire life trying to wrestle with that reality so that I can get out of my own way to get more done and to, to live a life of meaning and impact.
Anthony: So this podcast is my attempt to share some of the lessons, the trials and tribulations that I’ve experienced along the way. Because if you’re listening to this, there’s a very, very, very good chance that you do not think of yourself as average, that you realize that there’s greatness inside of you. In this podcast is my attempt to help you unlock it.
Anthony: So let’s do that. Now we’re in the midst [00:01:00] of a series where we’re looking back in 2021 lessons learned. , there are 21 of them, I outlined them in a previous two-part episode. So if you have not already, go rewind, go back and download those episodes and listen to them so that you can get the full breadth of all 21 lessons.
Anthony: And then what we’re doing is we’re spending the next 21 days just diving in. I think we’re on like day six at this point. It’s hard for me to keep count because counting is hard. I don’t like to do math in public because that always ends in embarrassment, so I’m not going to do it. So we might be on lesson five, might be in less than seven, who knows?
Anthony: I think it’s six, so we’ll go with that. Now, what we’re going to talk about today is actually a lesson I learned. This is interesting. I’ve been prefacing a lot of these lessons by saying, Hey, there’s nothing too revelatory here that is going to set your hair on fire and make you go, whoa, I’ve never heard of that before.
Anthony: A lot of these are, it’s not about learning something new, it’s just about remembering something you’ve already, you’ve already known. And these lessons for me were the ones that had been coming up the most consistently [00:02:00] throughout 2021. And so they seemed like lessons worth sharing. And this one in particular though, was one that actually when, when it hit me last year, which was actually February of yeah, February of 2020, I, it hit so hard.
Anthony: Oh, I’m sorry. Not 2020, 2021. It hits so hard because it was actually a very new concept for me. It, it came so far out of left field. It’s something that I had never really thought about before. And yeah, it, it hit different. So a little bit of backstory here real quickly is last year around this time, you know, coming into the new year of 2021, I set the goal of I want to become a better public speaker.
Anthony: I want to learn how to speak more coherently, more influentially, more persuasively, because I believe that communication is a, is one of the four spheres of influence that I talk about in my hyper, my hyper-focused course, which is, you know, your four spheres are your mindset, your health, your wealth, and your ability to [00:03:00] communicate.
Anthony: At the end of the day, we all want to connect. We want to be understood. And we do that through our ability to communicate, whether that’s through the spoken word, the written word, or body language, all of it. And last year, my, my goal was I want to improve as a speaker, I want to be more persuasive, more influential.
Anthony: More everything. And so I set the goal of doing a daily video and I released that throughout the year. And that was giving me an opportunity to just get on camera and just start talking and sharing concepts and coming to better clarity on what I thought on topics. But I also started going to events and working with speaking coaches.
Anthony: And that was actually like, if you want to get to the top of the mountain, then the quickest way is to go with somebody who’s already been there. Let them take your hand and, and guide you to the top. I believe like mentors and coaches are invaluable in accelerating our learning process. And so that’s what I did.
Anthony: I went and found some coaches. One in particular, his name is Renee Rodriguez, puts on this event. It’s a [00:04:00] two, two and a half day event. And it’s unlike anything I’ve ever, I had ever done it before that. And it’s, it is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. It’s about becoming a better public speaker on the surface.
Anthony: But really what it is, it’s learning how to speak from your heart to connect with people. And what followed was a two and a half day event with about 10, 11 people at the event. And it’s very choreographed in terms of what you’re doing at different points. and it’s very intimate and it’s a lot like a group therapy session.
Anthony: What’s really interesting is you do, you learn how to speak, but you’re actually uncovering your story and a lot of the things that are getting inside of your own way. Because like when we’re children, we’re good at communicating and connecting with people around us, and then we get inside of our own way As we get older, all the baggage of life just kind of like piles on and it gets harder and harder for us to show up as our true, authentic selves.
Anthony: And that was really what this [00:05:00] event was about, was like showing up as your true, authentic self. Figuring out who that is so that you can, you can get, you can just get rid of all the masks and speak from the heart. And it’s interesting because at this point, coming into the event, I felt as if I was a competent speaker on stage.
Anthony: I’ve done it a lot, feel comfortable up there. I’ve always gotten really great feedback on it, so I came into this thinking I was going to do okay. Like it wasn’t going to be that much of a struggle. And I was. Wrong. I was so wrong because what I didn’t expect was that like my own ego or my own, my own desire to control and be perfect and to like present this perfect self was going to inhibit my ability to actually connect.
Anthony: And this is, it’s interesting because when I got up there to give my initial story. Right? Like on day one, you get up there and you share your story, you give your first speech, and [00:06:00] afterwards, Renee just like rips you apart, and this is from a place of love. He rips you apart. Down to the foundation so that you can start building back up without all the fluff on a solid foundation.
Anthony: Right. And he gets, I get done with my, my presentation, my speech, and he, he looks at me, he turns to the room, he goes, okay, raise your hands if you feel connected to Anthony right now. And not a single hand went up. I think one guy kind of like started putting his hand up because he felt bad, but then he kind of put back down.
Anthony: He is like, yeah, okay. If nobody else was putting their hand up, I’m not either. And what followed then was like this 10, 15 minute process where he’s asking questions, probing questions in front of a group of people about like, why do you feel the need to present it like this? Why are you saying that? Like, telling me about your childhood, your relationship with your dad, which you shared in this thing.
Anthony: Like it’s, it gets really intense and a lot of people, I would say 80% of the people in that group break down and start crying at multiple points throughout this weekend. Right. It’s, it’s an intense event and at the end of it all, [00:07:00] Renee says something. Actually, it wasn’t at the very end, it was like in the middle, but it was something that hit so hard.
Anthony: He goes, selective vulnerability is not true vulnerability. And what you’re doing right now, Anthony, is you’re coming up here. And you’re being selectively vulnerable about what you want to share and how you want to share it in such a way that it just serves as a launching off point so that you can get to your accolades, your achievements, and you can point back to say like, look how awesome I am, because I overcame that.
Anthony: And he’s like, that’s not true vulnerability. You’re, it’s, it’s, it’s selective vulnerability being shared with an agenda. And I was like, man, that hits hard because it’s so, So true. Like in media or in social media, in marketing. And you know, branding, we, I talk about this all the time, is that you, like, you connect through authenticity and you show your vulnerability.
Anthony: That’s like how people connect to you, not through your wins. [00:08:00] They connect through your losses. So I was familiar with this concept of like, if you want them to connect with you and get to the place where they’ll start listening to you as like a trusted expert or like, don’t buy your product or whatever, you have to first do it from a place of authenticity and vulnerability.
Anthony: What I didn’t understand though, was. The stories I was sharing and how I was sharing them at that point was just as a long, like a springboard to get to the victory. And when you do that people see through it. Obviously, like we’re very good at this. We’re very good at seeing through bullshit.
Anthony: More importantly, The, this lesson stuck with me, not because of its power from a pub, a public speaking perspective, like trying to get, like, in a 15 minute period of time, getting an audience, a group of people to, you know connect with you. The more impactful part of this was I do this in all aspects of my life, not just on a stage, like I’m [00:09:00] selectively vulnerable with my loved ones, with my friends, my families, my colleagues, my employees.
Anthony: Like it’s everywhere. I’m always wearing this shield, this mask and I feel like I’m being vulnerable, but in reality I’m not. And so that’s the lesson, that’s the lesson for today, which is selective vulnerability is not true vulnerability. And I challenge you. To reflect on your story, your wins, your losses, like what are you sharing and how are you sharing it?
Anthony: How are you showing up and connecting, and are you doing it from a place of true vulnerability or are you being selective with your vulnerability? , I did a, we did a bunch of podcast episodes on this, on the Brain Dump, which is a podcast I do with my good friend Austin Linney. Where we study the psychology of success, I highly recommend you go dive into those episodes because we, we unpacked this a lot in the last year.
Anthony: There’s a lot of moving parts with this concept that I think regardless of who you are and what you’re doing, if you’re a [00:10:00] business owner or you know, like just trying to be the best version of yourself, we all want to connect on a deeper, more intimate level with the people around us. It makes life more fulfilling and meaningful, and so
Anthony: Figuring out how to get this thing right I think is instrumental. It was a big, pivotal moment in my life last year for sure. So thank you, Renee, for ripping me down. You big asshole. No, I’m just kidding. I love you. I’m coming back for around two this year. I’m looking forward to it. I’m really excited actually.
Anthony: So, That’s going to do it for me today, guys, I appreciate you taking a little bit of time out of your day to join me on this journey. If you got any value out of it, do me a favor, go over to iTunes, drop review, hit subscribe so that you get notified of all future episodes. And then do one last favor, one last favor.
Anthony: Go share this with somebody that you think is going to get some value out of it. Share it with somebody who you think is being selectively vulnerable so that this can kick them in the ass and get them on the path to true vulnerability. All right guys, so that’s going to do it for me. I’ll catch you in tomorrow’s episode.
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