I have unrealistic expectations.
The difficulty for me, and many managers I work with is that we often project these unrealistic expectations on those around us.
We expect our friends and loved ones to intuit our precise needs, never mind the fact that we’ve never bothered clearly articulating our expectations.
But let’s take a step back and assume for a moment that we did effectively communicate our expectations.
What would that even look like?
This is a hard question to answer, and one that I’m guilty of having given short-shrift to in the past.
See, I often operate under the mistaken impression that I have clearly and concisely conveyed my expectations to those around me.
It’s upon the completion of the task when the results do not align with my vision, that I become painfully aware of the fact that I failed.
This has happened more times than I can count. And it’s toxic because this failure of others to rise to the occasion of our expectation is not their fault, but you can bet the farm that our subconscious (if not conscious) mind is attributing blame.
Over time, and with enough failures, we stop giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. We start questioning their capacity.
Do they really have what it takes to hold up their end of the relationship?
This might be a significant other who just can’t wrap their head around doing the dishes on the time-frame, or to the standard, you deem acceptable.
Or it might be someone on your team that just can’t produce a quality TPS report to save their life.
It doesn’t matter the person or the role, if they continually fail to achieve the standard you deem necessary, there will be trouble.
Resentment is the silent killer of relationships.
Once it crops up, it’s more-or-less a weed you’re stuck fighting forever.
You’ve got to nip it in the bud and stop it from ever taking root.
But how?
How can we give the people around us the tools and understanding necessary to live up to our subjectively flawed standards of success?
You do it by clearly defining these two things. Once you do, you’ll be amazed by what the people around you are capable of.
The Project’s SCOPE
A couple of months back I brought on a new Graphic Designer. It was in the midst of a large product launch and I simply dumped the work on him with a vague idea of what I needed, and said, “Good luck!” (That’s not exactly how it happened, but I’m sure that’s how it felt to him.)
One of two things would happen:
1) He’d finish a project way to fast.
2) He’d finish a project way to slow.
Both of these issues stem from fundamentally misunderstanding the project’s scope.
That is… how long should this take? How hard is this supposed to be?
On the tasks where this GD finished slower than expected, it was inevitably because in my mind I considered this a low importance task that shouldn’t consume more than an hour or two of time.
When it mysteriously stretched into the next day, and sometimes even the day after that, I was left scratching my head at how it could possibly take so long to do something so simple.
On the tasks where this GD finished faster than expected, it was inevitably because in my mind I had declared this a critically important task that should probably take a couple of weeks, many meetings, and a lot of back-and-forth to hash out.
Problems arose for this poor designer because I hadn’t clearly articulated either of these expectations from the outset.
“Unrealistic beliefs on scope — often hidden and discussed — kill high standards. To achieve high standards yourself or as part of a team, you need to form and proactively communicate realistic beliefs about how hard something is going to be.”
Jeff Bezos
I can only imagine how frustrating this was for my poor Graphic Designer. One cannot produce their best work, much less thrive, in a workplace where the scope is left undefined.
Luckily, this is a fairly easy thing to communicate.
Simply take the time at the beginning of a project to clearly define the parameters of the project, including your expectations of time and difficulty inherent in the task.
Then (once the scope is clearly defined) make sure everybody understands:
The Project’s STANDARD
stand ·ard — A level of quality or attainment
Do you know what success looks like?
For you, it might look a certain way.
For me, it probably looks entirely different.
Success can be a vague term, defined by the individual, which can get you into a lot of trouble when it comes time to work alongside other people on a collaborative task.
If everybody is operating under different, possibly subjective, metrics of success, there is bound to be trouble.
Here’s an example from my personal life that’s bitten me more than a couple of times:
“Just rinse your dish before putting it in the dishwasher.”
Simple words. Simple concept. Impossible to execute (for me, at least).
This task (or tasks of a similarly vague nature) has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past. (I admit it, I’m a heathen. Dishes are hard for me. Possibly the hardest.)
My standards for what is acceptable often differ wildly from the standards of my significant other. As a result, I’m either far underachieving in relation to what they expect, or I’m stressing myself out trying to overachieve.
Often, it’s a combination of the two.
That is:
I stress out trying to overachieve only to find that I still somehow managed to underachieve in relation to their expectations.
Yeesh. This might say more about me and what I deem an acceptably rinsed dish,but the analogy pertains to every aspect of life, expectations, and our relationships with others.
So save yourself some trouble and define the project’s standard (ie: the level of quality you expect) at the outset to ensure the best chances of ultimate success.
Accomplish this by Telling, Showing, Doing.
Tell the other person what you expect.
Then Show them an example of what success looks like. Past projects are a great resource here (both of the successful and failed variety).
Finish by having them Do the task to the standard you expect. Give critical feedback and positive reinforcement where necessary.
By Telling, Showing, Doing you are acknowledging and addressing all the variety of different ways people learn. Some people learn best from hearing, some by doing, some by simply watching.
It doesn’t really matter how you get the information across.
What is important is that by the end of this process the other person has clearly defined expectations as to the project’s Scope and Standard.
Equipped with this knowledge, you’ve empowered the other person to achieve the lofty (or not so lofty) expectations you have for them, because now they have an accurate sense for the tasks difficulty/importance (scope), and past examples (standards) against which they can compare their current efforts.
As a result, you’ll be amazed by how people are suddenly surpassing your expectations.
