You’re Not Wrong…But You Are An Asshole
The Amplified Impact Podcast
May 10th, 2023
Today I’m gonna talk about something that really grinds my gears…the difference between giving constructive criticism and being a total jerk.
So…let me tell you about this comment I received that was totally unnecessarily abrasive. It made me realize that there’s a way to give feedback without being rude. You know what I mean?
It’s important to be cool to each other and enter into constructive discourse, instead of being mean and tearing people down.
Cancel culture and woke culture? They aren’t conducive to intelligent discourse. In fact…they silence people from engaging in conversation.
So, my message to all of you listeners out there is this – be self-aware and understand how you’re perceived by others, so you can make the most out of your interactions with people.
Let’s all try to bring out the best in each other, shall we?
TWEETABLE QUOTE:
“There is a way to give constructive feedback and to be critical and blunt but not be an asshole.” – Anthony Vicino
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Episode Transcript:
Anthony Vicino [00:00:00]:
So the other day I had a guy in the comments say something giving feedback, and he definitely did it being a dick. He he set out with the goal of like tearing down somebody else, not necessarily even me. If I remember the context, I think he was responding to somebody else and just responded in a way that was very abrasive and unkind. And at the end of it, he said, sorry if I’m being too blunt. And so I was thinking about that idea of being too blunt, and then I tweeted a little bit later this tweet if you’ve ever found yourself apologizing for being too blunt, the problem probably isn’t that you’re too blunt, it’s that you’re an asshole. Sorry if I’m being too blunt. So that was a tweet, and it’s a really funny tweet in my eyes because I’m a nerd. And I think it’s really funny to go full circle with a tweet and be like, if you say you’re too blunt and then come back around and be like, I’m sorry for being too blunt.
Anthony Vicino [00:01:05]:
Anyways, here’s the thing, is there is a way to give constructive feedback and to be critical and be blunt but not be an asshole. And I find that if you do that, you never need to apologize for being too blunt. But the people who feel the need to say, I am sorry for being too blunt, it’s because they intuitively understand, like deep down inside, that it wasn’t just them being blunt, it was them being an asshole and the way that they’re presenting it. And I think the world is just filled with so much negativity trolling animosity. There’s so much divisiveness these days, especially in the political arena, that one of the things I think we could all just do better at is just to be cool to one another, just be kind and let’s enter into constructive discourse. Because I love getting feedback, I love getting criticism if it’s well founded, if there’s an actual conversation to be had. But just being mean and tearing people down for the sake of being mean or like to put yourself on a pedestal. There’s a very big difference between being right and being righteous.
Anthony Vicino [00:02:14]:
And that’s something I think a lot about when it comes to internet discourse, is that a lot of people just are trying to get on top of the soapbox of self righteousness and they’re not necessarily even trying to be right or trying to discover the truth in the conversation, the topic that they’re discussing. Instead, they just want a posture and white knight. And there’s so much of this in the woke culture. And it’s interesting because I wouldn’t even know where to peg myself on a political spectrum because I’m very liberal in so many ways. I’m very conservative in many ways. But one thing I think we can all agree is the woke cancel culture is not conducive for it’s not good for long term civilization because it really disincentivizes any kind of intelligent discourse. It silences people from engaging in conversation. And I think going back to the being too blunt, if you’re that person who’s being too blunt, or you think that, or if you ever find yourself feeling like nobody ever listens to you, or that you have a hard time connecting with people or getting your points across because others just don’t listen, or they just don’t get you, It’s probably you is the harsh truth.
Anthony Vicino [00:03:26]:
It’s probably some way that you’re communicating your message that is coming across very abrasively. And this came I had an experience a couple of months ago, my girlfriend Jamie, she’s the general manager at a fitness club here in the Twin Cities, and she had this gentleman, an older gentleman, who was getting very confrontational with other gym goers. One in particular. He got really confrontational with this young kid and then was following this kid around and, like, yelling at him. And it was very weird. And he just has this very abrasive demeanor, even when the staff were confronting him about it. And with Jamie, she felt very uncomfortable talking to him in private. And so all this to say is that this man could not understand the allegations being levied against him, and he thought he was the victim, and he was very upset about it all and thought this other person was lying about the situation.
Anthony Vicino [00:04:16]:
And then when Jamie, in a private conversation with him, shared the fact that she herself felt very uncomfortable being around him because of his abrasive demeanor, he suddenly changed entirely. And it was like a slap in the face and realizing, like, oh, I did not realize he’s like, what’s so intimidating about me? I’m just an old man. He did not realize how others were perceiving him. And I think self awareness is a superpower at the end of the day, understanding where your strengths, your weaknesses lie. Understanding for me with my ADHD or just my social awkwardness in one on one situations, I have to be cognizant of that. And by being conscious of it, I can manipulate interactions in a way that bring out the best in me rather than the worst in me. And it’s just so interesting to me how many people go through life never having really looked in the mirror and introspected on what’s the effect that I’m having on the people around me, and why is that? Why do I feel the need to be presented in this way? And so going full circle again, bringing it back to this idea of being too blunt is just be really if you really, actually want to make an impact on the world and influence people, you need to work on your communication skills, your presentation style, and how you’re conveying your messages. And I did a podcast on this recently about communication skills and how to improve that.
Anthony Vicino [00:05:38]:
I think the ability to speak persuasively or influentially is a very powerful skill that a lot of people would like to have, but they don’t necessarily know how to improve. And so one guy I really enjoy on Instagram who is like a communications expert, his name is Vin. V-I-N-H trang. T-R-I-A-N-G-I think is his name. He’s a magician. Keynote speaker. Very good. If you’re looking for a resource to go out and start improving how to communicate with people, I think that would be a really great way of doing it.
Anthony Vicino [00:06:10]:
Because at the end of the day, it’s not good enough just to apologize for saying something like a dick and then saying, hey, I’m sorry if I’m coming across as a dick. If you have to apologize for it, you’re already in the wrong. Like, you realize that you’re already in the wrong and that’s why you’re apologizing for it and so do better. That’s my takeaway here. Let’s try to do better and especially go into conversations with friends, family, and even complete strangers on the internet with just more love in our hearts and kindness and a genuine desire to understand and connect rather than to dominate and oppress with our ideas and our ideologies. I think if we can do that, then just overall we’re going to create the type of world that I think most of us would prefer to live in, which is one of harmony and community and getting along rather than one of just animosity and disgust. So sorry if this was all just a little bit too blunt, but I don’t know, just something that was on top of my head, so I wanted to share it with you guys. Hopefully it brought you a little bit of value.
Anthony Vicino [00:07:21]:
If not, then we’ll be back here tomorrow to try again. As always, guys, I appreciate you being here. Until I see you again, around the bend. Stay hyper focused, my friend.
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